Baubius 11

CRIT:

THEME:

  • Listen to the sweet sound of silence while you read…

CREDIT:

COLLAB:

IMPORTANT NOTES:

  • baubi smeels
    • oof
    • May interviews dado in front of his hot new business, laundry and tan by dado,
    • Video becomes distorted and twisted the moment dado enters frame.
    • how do you do what you do

what did you do before this
are you human????????
* what will you do next dado?








rating: 0+x

NOTICE FROM THE FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATIONS UNUSUAL INCIDENTS UNIT

The following video transcription is an interview between Suspected Individual "dado" and AN-SO conspirator May Amador. Further information on "dado" is available in File-1221-D. The transcription was collected from a severely damaged RCA CC4352 VHS Recorder, presumably used to film the meeting on 05/01/18. Upon recovery, the camera and VHS tape had suffered water, impact, and exposure damage leading to the recording becoming corrupted throughout.


[[BEGIN VIDEO]]

Amador is seen standing in what appears to be a strip mall. She holds a microphone in her left hand and appears to be talking to an unknown individual holding the camera. The focus of the video destabilizes and colors begin to bleed. After three seconds, Amador backs into frame and waves at the camera before speaking.

AMADOR: Hello Everyone! This is your favorite para journalist for AN-SO on the scene, May Amadaor! Today I am in [AUDIO CORRUPTED]-orida, here to help celebrate the grand opening of… Laundry and Tan by Dado!

Amador claps excitedly as the color signal of the recording weakens, rendering Amador unrecognizable. dado speaks off-camera shortly after.

dado: no no, you say name wrong, is 'laundry and tan salon by dado' yes not how you say ok

AMADOR: (laughing) And I am joined by the one and only, Dado! He's a parapharmacist who's made some cool and interesting pills you might have heard of!

dado: no you say wrong again es 'dado' d-a-do please

AMADOR: Sorry, dado! Why don't you come over here and tell us a little about yourself?

The recording synchronization becomes highly corrupted, and the video noise renders the right side of the recording impossible to interpret, though colors and movement are visible. A human male, presumed to be dado, steps into the frame. No information about their identity is discernable.

dado: yes i am dado purveyor of fine dado business and pills what cure your ills

AMADOR: What kind of pills do you create?

dado: fine suppliments miss, very fine. i make pill that suck fat out of body, i make pill that make you have dream sex, and i make pill that does you high. i also cure various ailments in my lifetime

AMADOR: That's, uh… wait, what was that first one?

dado: suck fat out of body. dado make little green pills one day. they crawl onto my arm and i think "hey, i should give little green pills straws" and i did. so they suck fat now yes

AMADOR: I—

dado come i show you

dado leads Amador through the building. Upon entry, the footage begins to distort once more. The footage becomes visible again after 18 seconds, where dado is visible fitting a hazmat suit over his head. Judging by Amador's now muffled voice, it is assumed she is wearing one as well.

dado: this is very risky procedure, but i show you

dado lifts a cage onto a foldable table. Contained within this cage is a snake.

AMADOR: (Screams) Jesus! God… a-at least warn me first, okay?!

dado: what is problem?

AMADOR: I hate snakes, sorry.

dado: pansy

AMADOR: Y-y-you know what, maybe I don't need this. I think I'm at a healthy weight right now, thank you.

dado: ok

dado puts the cage back underneath the table.

AMADOR: (Relieved) Okay… So dado, why don't you tell us about where you studied? Surely someone so successfull as to be an enterpeneur and parapharmacist must have some secrets to spill.

dado: dado does not need school for the learning, dado is fine pharmaceutical thinker out of box so people in school say 'dado, why do you how you do' so i say 'i do easiest best fastest solution for problem in need of the fixing'

AMADOR: So you're self-taught?

dado: i just told yes

AMADOR: I see. That's very cool! Very inspiring, and very relatable! You hear that folks, an inspiring message from the one and only dado! So, dado, can I ask you something else?

dado: ok

AMADOR: I'm sure your career as a parapharmacist has been highly profitable. Why are you opening up this laundry and tan salon on top of already owning a short term loan and vhs rental store?

dado: dado start doing pills for bad reason but soon dado decide that not what best. dado want to help people so instead i stop doing illegal kill pills and make the hare finding pill for kids and the poop clean butt pill so world not full of shit

AMADOR: How does that explain the stores though?

dado: you let dado finish, you trust dado to tell story good

AMADOR: I'm sorry, please go ahead.

dado: thank. so dado make business to help dado pay for what pills to cure ills making. dado think helping world important, but dado also know money is need for paying what bills

AMADOR: Wow. A true philantropist.

dado: do not make accusate of dado or dado will sue

AMADOR: Huh?

dado: but dado digress. next remedy i show you is very special indeed miss.

AMADOR: What is it?

dado: you will see

dado produces a large object, approximately the size of a basketball, resembling a blue pill. He drops it onto the table, nearly breaking it. dado then produces two spoons, handing one to Amador.

AMADOR: Oh! What, what does this one do?

dado: it tastes like raspberry

dado scoops out a chunk of the object with his spoon, slamming its contents against his mask. He then proceeds to rub his tummy.

dado: delicious. dado snack on this from time to time. try it

AMADOR: (Laughs sheepishly.) N-No thanks.

dado: ok then

dado pushes the pill off of the table.

AMADOR: So, uh, how do you make those?

dado: i have had it since i started laundry and tan by dado

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