Mrbazzle 4


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Hello, this is O5-1. As you can tell, I have taken over this document and restricted it to a credential input only I have. This is just me helplessly rebelling against what is going on, fuck the world, stuff like that. It is going to stay that way, either until this repairs itself, or more likely until I succumb to jacking off in shaving cream. I'm in one of the most secure emergency facilities in the world right now, but there is only so many more new places for it to appear. So, expect me to just ramble from time to time on here, as I don't have much else to do. Or perhaps I won't. Anything is better than what you had on this page.

Day 1: Hello. I am still alive.

Day 2: I've been looking at international camera feed recently, since that is something I can do. It's incredible how much time the council devotes to having orgies in the meeting room. They don't care that -05 is dead, do they? They just don't give a fuck.

Day 4: I haven't shaved in months. It's not as bad as you would think.

Day 9: There's so much of that cream. In every camera I've looked at, there's always at least a car-sized heap of it. I still don't understand how it all got here, or why it all got here. This all happened so quickly, and no one knows why. I'm probably the only person left who cares why.

Day 16: The new decoration on the database header is horrid. There is no highest clearance for that sort of thing though, so whenever I fix it they put it back up. Nonetheless, it's amusing to think of someone typing out the code for it while slapping shaving cream all over the place. Gotta give them credit, that must have been hard.

Day 38: I got an email ten days ago. What?

Let's paste this in.

To: pcs.noitadnuof|esirllahs1ylnonemevarb5fO#pcs.noitadnuof|esirllahs1ylnonemevarb5fO
From: gnihtemos.gnihtemos|gnihtemos#gnihtemos.gnihtemos|gnihtemos

This is a message to all existing SCP Foundation email addresses. This is "jockjamsvol6" from Gamers Against Weed. If you're still alive and have not been exposed to that cream shit, we need to talk to you. Here's an invitation to our chatroom: link

Weird, right? We're desperate. Please join.

btw we can tell if you've been exposed to it, so we'll kick you if you join anyway.

Huh. Okay, sure. What do I have to lose.

Day 39: Hello. I am still alive, and feeling a lot better. Here's the chatlog:

——> you joined
jockjamsvol6: Try three6serpent.
lesbian_gengar: holy shit
o5-1: Hello
bluntfiend: Is this dude clean?
kektagon: yes
o5-1: I'm not unconscious yet, so good start.
jockjamsvol6: Yes, welcome! No need to worry, there's no funny business going on.
jockjamsvol6: I hope you didn't email me back. That address isn't real.
polaricecraps: you're the first one to join.
polaricecraps: literally no one else has come
lesbian_gengar: yeah, its been a fucking week.
polaricecraps: youd think even the infected people would care to join at all right
o5-1: Not particularly
bones: Agreed.
o5-1: So, why am I wanted?
jockjamsvol6: Alright, so
bluntfiend: We're really fucking sorry.
bluntfiend: More than we could ever express.
jockjamsvol6: …yeah
gaycopmp4: sseconded
gaycopmp4: dahlia isg one
gaycopmp4: my parents, aunts uncles, cousins, pets,evetyone is gone
gaycopmp4: because of this stupid fucking jpke
bluntfiend: We talked about this Andy.
gaycopmp4: so i definitely want to fix this shit asap
gaycopmp4: fuck off bluntfiend fucking cunt im keeping myfucking cool ,lay the fuck off
jockjamsvol6: With all do respect, my I please fucking speak?
gaycopmp4: im sorry
jockjamsvol6: @o5-1, you with us?
o5-1: Yes
jockjamsvol6: In short, we made all this happen. As usual some stupid joke was made that lead to some stupid thing being made. We had no intention to cause as much damage as we did. I'm serious, like Jude said we're all incredibly sorry.
o5-1: Alright
jockjamsvol6: We want to help in whatever way we can, and with how devastating this must have been to your whole containing thing and global influence, we… feel we owe this to you? We would've fixed this already, but we'd like to do that at your command.
o5-1: Thanks
jockjamsvol6: So… are the big guys still around?
o5-1: I'm one of them, but the rest are long lost.
bluntfiend: Oh, you are? How big?
o5-1: I'm the head of the council that runs the entire facility. I am the big guy.
lesbian_gengar: well fuck man, howdy
jockjamsvol6: Sweet! I really hope that's not a lie, since you have complete control over what we do now.
o5-1: I'm one of the only people that knows for certain who/what bones is. Do you know what I mean by that, jj?
lesbian_gengar: what
bluntfiend: What
bones: I'm convinced.
jockjamsvol6: Same.
o5-1: So, please, tell me how this all started. What was the joke?
bluntfiend: uhhh so
gaycopmp4: let me

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