Mlister's gravel holder

00:58 <Postmo> ghostpage: SCP idea: pee is stored in the balls. bc the balls are not big enough to store all the pee, human testicles are a spatial anomaly that cannot be explained by modern science, and the Foundation engages in a massive coverup operation to prevent this knowledge from going public
00:58 <Voct> liquid is compressible
00:58 <Postmo> we're talking plants in every medical institution
00:58 <Postmo> a global coverup
00:58 <ghostpage> Postmo, what about non-balled people
00:58 <ghostpage> Where is their piss
00:59 <ghostpage> WHERE BE THE PEE
00:59 <@Taffeta> ghostpage: extradimensional balls
00:59 <Postmo> ghostpage: ladies store their pee in their ovaries, which are just internal balls
00:59 <ghostpage> The balls… In their soul
00:59 <Postmo> people who lack balls entirely utilize a little understood pocket dimension
00:59 <@Taffeta> tesoulsticles
00:59 <ghostpage> Postmo, not all people sans balls are ladies or have ovaries :p
00:59 <mlister> The soul… In their balls
00:59 <Clef> …
00:59 <Clef> you guys are fucking dumb

rating: +6+x

WARNING: HMCL and O5 Approval Required


The file you are attempting to access is available to personnel with Level 4/XXXX clearance only. This clearance is not included in general Level 4 security protocol.


Item #: SCP-XXXX

Object Class: Thaumiel

Special Containment Procedures: The development of SCP-XXXX is a class IX research priority.

The office of O5-4 has been designated as the HMCL of SCP-XXXX, to coordinate all involved departments and approve cross-testing with relevant SCP objects.

To facilitate SCP-XXXX-α, the Foundation Disinformation and Theology Departments are to receive 40% budget increases for the 2043 fiscal year.

O5-4 has authorized the use of the PANDORA Protocol to carry out SCP-XXXX-β.

Under the SCP-XXXX-γ initiative, a current total of 012 anomalies have been reclassified as Thaumiel-class, and a total of 103 anomalies have been reclassified as Maksur-class. A comprehensive list is available in Document-XXXX/DEUS.

Efforts to extend SCP-XXXX to the civilian population are underway.

I'll keep things concise for now. This effort, while tangential to primary containment, is no less important. It is aligned with the Foundation's zeroth goal, and thus has its full backing.

- The Administrator

Description: SCP-XXXX designates a multi-faceted Foundation project to engineer an afterlife hospitable to humankind.

SCP-XXXX-α is a worldwide implementation of the Genius Loci protocol, as to alter collective religious belief on life after death. The goal of SCP-XXXX-α is increase the inclusivity and amiability of any possible, extant, Leibniz-class afterlives. This entails a mass-scale social engineering program, encouraging belief in universal salvation (or equivalents) in the world's major religions. Implanted agents in religious institutions are to aid in such efforts. As per the Triumvirate agreement, the Foundation is to help the Horizon Initiative in creating "The Universal Texts". Such efforts are to focus on advancing SCP-XXXX-α.

There is nothing sacred to the Foundation. Truth and falsehood are only as valuable as they are useful. I'm sure the you EEEEEE We have a duty to look after humanity, and if it involves suppressing a few texts, promoting a few others, and paying great minds to think how we want them to think, then so be it. If it soothes your conscience, consider it less so "doctoring" and moreso "progressive revelation".

- Yusuf Zafarul, Theology Department Head

SCP-XXXX-β is the neutralization of all verified, inhospitable afterlives under Foundation purview. This serves to funnel human consciousnesses into Foundation-approved afterlives created and maintained by the other components of SCP-XXXX. Under the PANDORA Protocol, all assets available to the Foundation, including anomalous objects, are permitted to accomplish this objective.

"Drastic times call for drastic measures." These are drastic measures. Consciously or subconsciously, your mind is filling in gaps.

There is no impetus for this initiative, no hitherto-unknown threat rearing its head, no XK-Class Apocalypse happening ahead of schedule. The world is in no more or no less danger than it always is. I promise to you all that it won't end tomorrow, or the day after, or the day after. The more cynical of you will question if it's my promise to make.

We aren't fatalists here. If nothing else, it's bad for employee morale. If you have a high enough clearance to even know this file exists, you'll have an inkling of the kind of threats that loom over humanity's head. SCP-XXXX is neither an admission of defeat nor a shift of priorities. It, like every other entry in this database, represents a duty the Foundation is beholden to.

- O5-4

SCP-XXXX-γ is MTF α-0 ("Ọya-Iyansan"), an esoteric taskforce composed primarily of Bader-Ramjin Infomorphic Entities, with a number of Pistiphagic, Tartarean, or Ectomorphic Anomalous Enties serving as secondary assets. MTF α-0 is tasked with SCP-4999 SCP-3540 SCP-4069

SCP-XXXX-δ
SCP-███ SCP-4005

Addendum: The following note is appended this document by High Command. It has been issued to all Foundation members with Level 1/General or higher.

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