Weekend at Bush's
rating: +1+x

Item #: SCP-3611

Object Class: Ticonderoga

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-3611 is currently, until 2008, self-containing. However, Mobile Task Force Alpha-338 ("Get Down") are to read "Document Hodgenville" for more information on SCP-3611's containment.

Description: SCP-3611 is a humanoid entity, completely constructed out of a material that is theorized to be a wood/human flesh concentrate. SCP-3611 is puppet-like in design, possessing a mouth similar to that of a ventriloquist dummy, as well as having no hands or feet. The words "Mr. President, from Little Misters ® by Dr. Wondertainment" are printed on the palms of SCP-3611's hands. SCP-3611 is inactive and does not seem to be sentient while in this form.

When a specific set of numbers are spoken within 5 meters of SCP-3611, it will begin to physically transform. Depending on the numbers stated, SCP-3611 will transform to take the form a United States President; current or sitting. When transformed, SCP-3611 will the same mannerisms, behavior, and knowledge of the President it is transformed into. As such, it can be asked questions, and it will answer on a first-account basis. During this time, SCP-3611 is sapient.

SCP-3611 is currently transformed as President George Walker Bush.

Addendum: Interview Log

Interviewer: Dr. Jamison

Interviewed: SCP-3611, transformed into Abraham Lincoln.


[BEGIN LOG]

Dr. Jamison: Okay, let's see here.

Paper shuffling.

Dr. Jamison: Four, Seven, Seventeen, Eighty-Two, Forty-Eight.

SCP-3611 begins to transform into Abraham Lincoln. This process takes approximately 5 minutes.

SCP-3611: I say, where am I?

SCP-3611 looks at Dr. Jamison.

SCP-3611: Ah, a fellow citizen! Hello, it is good to see you!

Dr. Jamison: As to you, Mr. President. May I ask you a few questions while you are here?

SCP-3611: Of course.

Dr. Jamison: Okay. Who are your wife and kids?

SCP-3611: Oh, my lovely Mary. And I have 4 little ones, Robert, Edward, Willie, and Tad! All such rambunctious children.

Dr. Jamison: Okay. Next question, where were you born?

SCP-3611: Somewhere near Hodgenville.

Dr. Jamison: Right. Last question, do you know when or how you will die?

SCP-3611 laughs.

SCP-3611: I cannot tell a lie; this I truthfully do not know!

Dr. Jamison: Thank you, President Lincoln. That is all for now.

[END LOG]



BY ORDER OF THE COUNCIL OF THE UNIFIED, THIS FILE HAS BEEN LOCKED TO LEVEL 5 PERSONNEL


ANY ATTEMPT TO ACCESS THIS FILE WITHOUT LEVEL En Dios Confiamos AUTHORIZATION WILL BE LOGGED AND WILL LEAD TO IMMEDIATE DISCIPLINARY ACTION.


On January 14, 2002, President Bush, under control by Dr. Bright, died via asphyxiation on a pretzel. This caused the George W. Bush's body to cease all biological function, which prevented Dr. Bright from possessing the body further. The following is a meeting between the FBI Unusual Incidents Unit and the Foundation on account of the incident.

GoI 731 ("Wondertainment") was contacted by the Foundation shortly after this. The person who answered the Foundation's attempt at communication claimed to be Wondertainment's agent, and that she was out on vacation at the present moment. They claimed that Wondertainment had a device/item that would help the Foundation in their current state.

Following the meeting between Foundation and Wondertainment representatives, SCP-3611 was brought to Site-55 for examination and further testing. Document Hodgenville was drafted and presented to the O5 Council for deliberation.


Operation Alagadda's Day was enacted on February 14th and SCP-3611 successfully replaced Dr. Bright as acting President of the United States.


DOCUMENT HODGENVILLE


BushandCheney.jpg

SCP-3611 delivering a speech with Dr. Cheney's supervision.

Item #: SCP-3611

Updated Containment Procedures: SCP-3611 is currently acting as the President of the United States. Because of this, the secret service and all other close advisors in the White House have been notified of SCP-3611's anomalous nature.

Following the Behind Closed Doors Act, the heads of states of allied nations have received information regarding SCP-3611. This rule may be changed on a case by case basis depending on the nation's leader. All others are to be amnesticized upon hearing this information.

Civilians are, at all times, be kept at least 5 meters away from SCP-3611. Lethal force is allowed for subjects that attempt to get close to SCP-3611 without authorization. Podiums and stages are to be specifically constructed as to not let any civilian within 5 meters of SCP-3611 during public events.

When SCP-3611 is not giving speeches or appearing out in public, it is to be stored in a low-security anomalous chamber within the White House in its base form. Transforming SCP-3611 back into George W. Bush requires explicit permission from one member from the ACML Administration.

Addendum-291!9: 2 months into its presidency, a speech was held on the topic of compassionate conservatism, and SCP-3611 was invited to speak. However, SCP-3611 strayed from the original topic and needed to be interrupted at the risk of breaking secrecy. Sections in blue are not in the original speech.

[BEGIN LOG]

SCP-3611: Well, thank you very much for that warm welcome. I am so grateful for the Commonwealth Club and the Churchill Club for inviting me here. I appreciate you all coming, and I appreciate your hospitality.

[EXTRANEOUS INFORMATION REDACTED]

Compassionate conservatism places great hope and confidence in public education. Our economy depends on higher and higher skills, requiring every American to have the basic tools of learning. Every public school should be the path of upward mobility.

Yet, sadly enough, many are the dead-end of dreams. Public schools are some of the most important institutions of democracy. They take children of every background, from every part of the world, and prepare them for the obligations and opportunities of a free society. Public schools are Americans great hope, and making them work for every child is America's great duty.

[EXTRANEOUS INFORMATION REDACTED]

It is conservative to let local communities chart their own path to excellence. It is compassionate to insist that every child learns, so that no child is left behind. By insisting on results, and challenging failure where we find it, we'll make an incredible difference in the lives of every child in America.

Where should we start? Well, I believe that we should not believe in participation trophies. If we want the child to succeed, they should know failure and success. They shouldn't be rewarded for failing. That's not how you grow. You grow from mistakes.

(At this point, Dr. Cheney is alerted to SCP-3611's deviation from the speech, and gets ready to interrupt it.)

Even if we do this, children will still grow to become the low of this society. I know from experience that sitting in a hopeless room, surrounded by 30 other children, without any "goal", any "purpose", or any of that, is not stimulation. It does not provoke the child into wanting to learn. If the walls are the same color as the paper, why should the child care about the paper, OR the walls that contain them. The building dedicated to setting them up to be the very best that they can be?

I believe that, if we want to help each child succeed, we should go straight to the child, and to the root of the problem, and make the education like it should be. We are very lucky to be partnered with someone I know very deeply, Dr. Wonde-

Dr. Cheney: Mr. President, you mixed up the speech.

SCP-3611: Oh. It appears I have. My apologies everyone. Where were we… ah, "lives of every child in America." Ahem. Compassionate conservatism offers a new vision for fighting poverty in America. For decades, our nation…

[END LOG]

Addendum-977/0: It was determined that SCP-3611 was to run in the 2004 presidential election by the ACML Administration, using the rising popularity of George Bush after the September 11 attacks as an advantage. Competing against SCP-3611 was democratic politician John Kerry with his running mate John Edwards.

During the election, there was a presidential debate within that was considered a Class 4 Anomalous Information Breach, and all non-authorized information regarding the event was destroyed. The following is the debate in its entirety, approximately 10 minutes in length before Operation "Total Anarchy" was enacted.

[BEGIN LOG]

[REDACTED]: Good evening from the University of Kansas in Lawrence, Kansas. I'm [REDACTED], and I welcome you to another debate between George W. Bush, the republican nominee, and senator John Kerry, the democratic nominee. There will be 100 minutes to answer questions. Today's topic will be regarding the threat of Russia and it's influence around allied nations and countries, as well as the influence of the Iraq war on nearby allied nations and countries. I must ask the audience to be absolutely silent during the debate, except for now while they greet our nominees today.

John Kerry and SCP-3611 walk on stage, the crowd begins to clap and slightly cheer.

[REDACTED]: Good evening, Mr. President and senator Kerry. Our first question goes to George W. Bush. Do you think you'll be able to keep Russia in line in the event of another Cold War type situation? What could you do that Kerry cannot?

SCP-3611: Yes I can. I will make absolutely certain that we can maintain peace with Russia as well as President Putin. Now, the true road to this peace is unknown, but I believe I may know a clue to this road. The children of America. They will pave a path for success for all those that succeed us. We just need to give them guidance.

[REDACTED]: Mr. President, that does not have anything to do with the question.

SCP-3611: I apologize. I must have misheard.

John Kerry: Is this the man that ran our country during the terrorist attacks committed by Al-Qaeda?

[REDACTED]: Now, Mr. Bush, the question is: "Do you think you'll be able to keep Russia in line in the event of another Cold War type situation?"

[EXTRANEOUS INFORMATION REDACTED]

SCP-3611: ..which in the past has proven to be a very effective way of dealing with such an entity as Europe and Russia.

[REDACTED]: Thank you. Now, this question is for you, senator Kerry. Do you think you'll be able to keep Russia in line in the event of another Cold War type situation? What could you do that Bush cannot?

John Kerry: I'll answer that one in a second, I have to say something to the President first.

[REDACTED]: You are not allowed to give questions to the other nom-

John Kerry: Bush. Mr. President, whatever they like to call you. I must ask you this. In your opinion, why do you think the American people would be okay with a borderline pedophile as President?

[REDACTED]: Senator Kerry, if you do not-

SCP-3611: What did you say? I thought you had some class, Kerry.

John Kerry: All you ever talk about is kids. You seem obsessed. Do you think you are fit for another term? Or do we need to take away your children as well.

SCP-3611 begins to walk towards John Kerry with a clenched fist.

SCP-3611: You know, I'm surprised that John Kerry is the one that looks more like the doll.

SCP-3611 gets within 5 meters of John Kerry. He notices the anomaly, and begins to drop to the floor.

John Kerry: What the ever loving fuck are y-you?!

SCP-3611 looks down at Kerry, twitching.

SCP-3611: Wondertainment products are not allowed to divulge that kind of information.

Operation "Total Anarchy" was enacted almost instantly, and the room begins to fill with Class A amnestics. John Kerry begins to cough.

SCP-3611: What kind of demon have we brought upon this coun… country…

[END LOG]

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